Jess's Blog

hey guys....going to a four day camping festival over here..its called oxegen and its costing me 450 aus dollars, so it better be class! basically i get to wear gumbots (wellies as they call them here) and jump around in mud and possibly not shower? hmm..heres the line up..so excited!

Friday 11th July 08:

Kings of Leon, Interpol, Editors, Aphex Twin, Battles and many more.
Saturday 12th July 08:

R.E.M., The Verve, Amy Winehouse, The Prodigy, Stereophonics, Counting Crows, The Zutons, Newton Faulkner, Panic at the Disco, Richard Hawley, Seasick Steve, The Hoosiers, Scouting For Girls, The Charlatans, Pendulum, Justice, Bowling For Soup and many more.
Sunday 13th July 08:

Rage Against The Machine, Kaiser Chiefs, The Swell Season Glen Hansard & Markéta Irglová, The Fratellis, Ian Brown, The Feeling, Kate Nash, Roisin Murphy, Band of Horses, Lightspeed Champion, The Pogues, The Couteeners, Alabama 3 and many more.

anyway, what the hell have u all been up to? no one has blogged on this thing for ages.tell me the story morning glory!
missing yas
xoxox

have you ever wanted to be inspirational but struggled to find the words?thats me in a nutshell...but allow me to shed some light on you...

i want to live every day like its my last.it's that simple. i'm tired of spending my days analysing relationship struggles, family dilemmas, work hurdles and sweating the small stuff. this relaisation hits me so hard sometimes that i actually stop in my tracks to ponder the thought of it all. life shouldn't be a premeditated and pre-planned course to the grave; it should be a non stop party into the next world!

i've always had my life plan set on the straight and ever so predicatble narrow: school - uni - career - marriage - children - retire. YAWN, right?I.WANT.TO.LIVE. this is not to say that i have no goals or potential - i plan on being in  a very influential position one day where i can say "i'll get my people to call your people"..it's just that i want to live a fullfilling life along the way; one that never allows me to dwell on one of my biggest fears - regret.

i should have ben out of uni by 20 with a flash degree under my belt and an up and coming career to rival any, but i've realised there is no fun in this; no experience. so now i have opted to "chuck my studies" (as my hot headed aunt refers to my choice as), and go exploring! my plan, so far, is to backpack round europe for six months or so, hopefully bringing back invaluable memories and being wiser for the experience why should i waste the best years of my life, aka my youth, trapped in the working world, trying to scramble my way to the top, when i have my entire life to do so? it's not the destination that counts...it's the way you choose to get there!

so i have easily concluded that whenever i feel despondent or dejected from the complexities of life, i will merely take a step back and look at the bigger picture - what is one day in a whole lifetime? we only get one chance to live our lives the exact way we want - have you started?

im assuming everyone knows by now that the last three days have seen our city swamped by american navy and marine guys on a little holiday...i asked them what exaclty it was they were doing, and they all told us they were not to speak of it coz it was a top secret thing..yeah right...they prob just wanted to sound sexy

me, amy and jodie had planned a quiet local dicey nite but when i realised the sailors were in town, we decided to paint it red hehe. one thing about americans that i love (aside from the accent which grew on me), is the fact that they are FUCKING BRILLIANT tippers in bar, in merely an hour, i made $120 worth of tips...i only kept 80..tip jar got rest. they think that if they dont tip us, we wont pour as much booze into their drinks ahaha. ive given that many directions that im ready to be tattooed with a map of the city and valley!however, tonite is fri, their last nite..and im working in bar

we left jodies about 10, with christie as a last minute addition. stopped in at my work first for discount drinks, (ever tried green apple smirnoff?or had it mixed with apple juice?> fucking best drink ever)...we were accosted by horny sailors..who are easy to spot with their lame ass crew cuts...then off to porto for happy hour, with a few sailors in tow, who were so drunk that they thought we were leading them to dark shadows so we could dump them and run off.names were randy and ...ahh..sumthing? newho, got to porto and lost em coz they werent wearing the rite clothes ahahahaha.

we got three rounds at once....knocked back a quick fuck, skulled a mixer, and walked off with a sunrise lol. we chatted for a while on balcony..had champers to celebrate an engagement...then made friends with the runcorn glassy...who then introduced us to dane, the promotions co-ordinator (aka gives out free drinks and drinks on the job to promote?most sought after job!)..who hooked me and ames up with a fuckload of freebies...when we got back outside, jodie was going at it with a sailor, and we got pulled into a huge group who asked us to say "australian" things. oh..and there were lotsa hi5's for sexy times...we even called the rentals

amy and i ended up drunk and dancing with sailors...andrew and sumone?, got us sum more free drinks (by this time we were having trouble spelling our own names), and headed outside. i got yelled at for wondering off into the botanical gardens with my sailor (and no i didnt sex him!eeeww....but its not like those sailors didnt try get us to the hotel room:S) ended up with woodchips all thru my hair...hmmm. haha amy thort i was lost or dead and went up to every american she could find, asking "have you seen my friend jess?she was with an american" ahahaha

got back, amy went off with mike her sailor..and i'll let her tell u bout the stairwell ahahahaha woke up with a killer headache, and killed it with kfc i got to drive! drove amy's car to her house to get her...all backstreets..but man it was better then an orgasm just getting behind that wheel again!

all in all, fucking fun night...shoulda been there!
kisses
xox

ahahah....bet that title got your attention!love that guy, but rite now for a specific reason...bren totally saved me from my dilemma on "what to be when i grow up", or more precisely, "what to apply for when qtac comes around again in september!"

ive been stuck between doing psychology and doing "sumthing else". i want to do psyc coz i am facinated about learning about the human brain and all its tweaks, as well as really wanting to specialise in something with adolesence...however, thats a fuck load of uni, and im still feeling like its not my exact path. so bren and i went thru a whole thing, and he pulled out "bachelor of creative industies (media and communication). im gonna double it with my bachelor of business (which ive already done a year of) and boom!career for me! (and i will volunteer councelling services and helping out the underprivelegd in my spare time to fill that urge i have to help ppl all the time)

im gonna sub-major in music and sounds, and creative industries managemnt, as well as advertising and public relations. get this...theres actually a class i will take called "sex, drugs and rock n roll"..how fucking mad is that!i will hopefully be able to work myself up into a position of managing/directing festivals like big day out and stuff...id love to take that kinda work to europe...its like festival country of the world! im so excited! and so much more relaxed now that my future isnt impending upon me! so i heart u bren...xoxox!

neway, aside from that mind blowing revelation...ive just been working...and thinking i wont be moving outta home, and just into my mums for a few months before going to europe...its just to expensive. staying at jodies and amys over the next month or so tho. i need sum partying,, my life has gotten rather dull! nething exciting we can do ppl!maybe i just gotta get drunk more lol, or idulge in more extra curricular ahaha (*cough*amy*cough*)

neways..ur all boring!blog something!or lets have a party!!!

love love
jessie!
xoxox
p.s my little baby bro is the cutest thing since orlando bloom in the end scene of pirates 3

man im so fucking excited....we booked our flights today!!! (and by we i mean me, amy and clair (amy only decided last night to randomly tag along!) we leave for ireland on the 26th oct, and come back 15th feb! its costing us so much money;flights, transport,visa,passport,work set up.but so fucking worth it.

we start in ireland, working for 6 weeks in night clubs and pubs, then make our way over to london for a few days stop off, then we are away! first stop amsterdam!! 3 glorious drug fucked days (go legal hash brownies! club vandersexx ftw! - in fact me and amy are watching eurotrip rite now and vowing to do everything they are!) and then we decide where we want to be for xmas..we thinking white xmas in the swiss alps! then we travelling randomly all over europe..(and stopping to do fruit picking if we run outta money!) we thinking euro disney in paris!, all over spain, italy, germany, austria, holland, switzerland and france. gonna be fucking mad! TO THE LUEVE! ehehehe. and turns out there is this random tradition sumwhere in france where on the first day of the year, theres sum random beach where everyone in the vicinity gets naked and goes skinny dipping at the beach
!fucking crazy..amy trying to get out of it, but we will drop her in that water on her ass..yes amy!a nude beahc means u have to get naked too!...when in rome or france in this case hehe. we are gonna be one crazy motherfucking group...ive never been more excited about nethign in my life. we all need to keep touch through emails!!! or this site !

in other news, im moving outta home.more like my dad kicking me out for his new life with his new gf..but lets not devulge in the story...he wont even let me stay long enuff to find a place, so im crashing at amy's and jodies over the next few weeks, till me and ash and sum other third person can find a furnished place..hardest thing ever!

so i basically do 50-60hrs a week at work. but my boss fucking loves me so i get heapsa bonuses..just no social life..which amy is about to discover about needing money for europe lol. it will all be worth the lack of sleep and food for the next few months!!

love ya's!!
jessie!
xox

what do u look for in a boyfriend/girlfriend? this is my list...look anything like yours?

- sexually satisfying and compatible
- someone faithful to the very end and always loyal and honest
- good looking and presents themselves well
- a person im proud to introduce to other people
- he must fit into my world and vice versa
- he needs to be heaps of fun, outgoing and approachable
- i want him to challenge me, push me and motivate me
- someone who understands what im all about and accepts my flaws
- they can make me feel safe and comfortable, not just physically
- i need a guy with that 'bad boy' streak..it's my weakness
- he must have patience!
- blah blah blah...this list could go on forever!

after a string of failed relationships (that were amazing experiences none-the-less), i've drawn the conclusion that i just haven't found my 'one'; the person im simply Compatible with. either that or im just a picky bitch i'm not looking for a husband, just someone that takes me to a happy place and helps me dodge my usual curse of six months of fucking fantastic times, followed by the last six months of hellish ordeals and fights but with a list like that, (and my awful nature to want to change certain parts about my boyfriends till its to my liking), i'm starting to wonder if my expectations are just too god damn high. im just so picky!if i could just quit agonising over the little stupid things, and focus more on accpeting those as they are in my life, i'd be such a happier, and better person. but how do i find the person that makes me drop all my guards and forget the past painful memories that constantly seep through my viens? how many times do i need to fail to succeed? i know im not perfect, and need many a thing changed...but how much does one go through?

toughen up jess..move forward.

i'll be quick coz brendan will be long hahaha..

rhcp were fucking awesome!! i have seen my fair share of rocking concerts, but ive never eperienced one that was so electric! when the crowd sang, they were in such perfect unison, and so loud that at one point they threatened to over throw anthony keidis during 'by the way'(Y) fuck yeah!!! i was a lil disappointed that they didnt play scar tissue tho

there was a fuck load of random jamming throughout the concert coz keidis was as sick as a dog. he had to have big break during songs, would walk off after his last line even tho the song hadnt ended, and he didnt say one thing to the crowd the whole time. he had sum special tea to drink and his energy wasnt as pumping. dad said he didnt go nearly as mental as he usually does during performance. poor guy i still love u!!! and he had a moustache...makes him look so much older! but i'd still have his babies hehehe.

although the opening band , hars mars super stars was ridiculous (this fat cocky arrogant guy getting down to his little undies and shaking it for the world to see while insulting brisbane and asking them to throw stuff at him), the rest was fucking going off! the light show was great and the screens behind them were defintley entertaining! keidis has a very cool dance style, and even for a sick guy he was really original and entertaining, john played sum fucking unreal guitar solos, not to mention his outsatding singing in his solo song, and flea still looks fitter then ne guy i no and he is in his late 40's! he also can play a fucking mean trumpet!i didnt no trumpets could make those noises!!! hate to see those spit valves..ewww.chad the drummer looked like a tradie in his blue jumpsuit but kept up a fucking top effort on drums, always banging it out loud!

got seperated from bren and dan coz i was mingling with tyler from work, but dan and bren were drenched in sweat and losing their voices by the time i found em again! i couldnt stop moving during the concert, too much vibes and energy! me and bren ended up with the same shirt aahaha, and dan man jumped around like a crazy mo to the opening band, pretending he was obsessed lol. i saw 2 guys get ripped over the barrier by the scruff of their shirts by security coz they were pushing ppl around, and i even got lifted up for a better look by the guys next to me!!

after the show we got our tickets back, and bren tried pretending they were tickets for sat nite to see if neone would try buy em ahaha. tools. we got back to the car, waited at leats half hour and had only moved a meter before dad decided to monster truck it over the barriers and get us outta there! got a rather entertaining phone call from cam on the way home, where he told me that because he was part irish he would be extremly lucky when walking home from kyles, and then he broke is down beat box style and said he was looking for a female taxi drivers so he could perform sexual favours to get home as he had no dosh.ahahah idiot!

neway, we now all smell, but im still pumped! i wanna def see them again, spesh coz i no keidis could really go nuts if illness wasnt holding him back..has renewed by interest in re-reading scar tissue...

RHCP FUCKING OWN!

i heart them

jessie!
xoxox

hello ladies and gents! well my first day was yesterday at irish murphys, and was pretty cruisy. i can definlty deal with being paid 18bux an hour to simply hand ppl money when they win, pour a few beers, and muck around in the bar! Iain (pronounced Ian..but spelt that way coz he deutch or sumthing!) trained me, and we mucked around heaps..was pretty cool, and the time flew fast, so im happy! oh!! and the duty manager, Jodie, told me she would tell off my sleazy boss if it gets worse or keeps making me uncomfortable! awesome

the place is pretty laid back, but today wen i got to work (second day, only had one day of training, where i merely observed what was happening), i realised i was opening the entire gaming section myself! this was frickin insanity considering i had no idea what to do, and only my scribbled notes to aid me. wen the boss realised what happened he rushed to help, but we still managed to open 45mins late. fuckers. i spent the whole day with a girl who got called in, and got shown everything really slowly, and so much better!

highlight of the day...having to be in charge of the entire keg room and changing them for all levels...got asked to change a carlton draught...and for those of u who know how to change a keg...it was the stupid blue one that u have to pull out and push down,and it was a bitch to put on to the new keg coz of all the cords spilling from it..and coz it was in the middle of all the other kegs! newho...didnt click it in properly and tried to push the handle down..whooosh...covered from head to toe in carlton draught...smelt like an alcoholic the rest of the day, and even had a lady in the bus ask me in a mocking and half accusing and shocked voice whether i'd had a big day on the piss! crazy woman. oh however...a sucky rule....staff are not allowed to drink at irish murphys, on shift or off shift! stupid bar.

i get to do bar and gaming shifts, so its gonna be pretty fun! is so easy there. and for the sake of mentioning it...BIRCH CARROLL AND COYLE are asses....left me off the roster completel coz i have a second job. i will shame them good...and speaking of birch...i heart amy muchly for picking me up from work and saving me from getting home an hour or so later coz public transport sux penis

newho...HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO CAMERON..FINALLY 18! PARTY HARDY U CRAZY MOFO!

love love
xxx

Go me! i scored my first ever pub gig! it's at irish murphy's in the city, just opposite the treasury and on the corner of george street. i think the guy was willing to hire me the second i walked through the door, so thats always a bonus! i have been made 'the face' of their gaming section meaning i practically run the whole "vault" bar downstairs as well as attend to all the pokies etc. it pays 18 an hour with 39 hours (consequent to change) a week..meaning 700 bux!!!! woot woot. thats a tues-sat job, and im still considering keeping birch on for sum extra weekend dosh. once i get my gaming licence, it goes up to 21 an hour, making it 800 a week. great place, great money, flexible boss,cruisy job once u figure it out...oh, and i get to run the whole keg system..goold old RSA training! but with every good comes bad...

i was filling out my new tax form and realised i now must tick 'yes' for "do i have an accumulated HECS debt" i am not spose to pay hecs back unless i have earned $38000 at the end of the 2007 financial year (which i am no where near), or 39000 at the end of 2008 financial year (which i still wont come close to considering i have to go back to uni). the tax form states that my employer witholds money to pay back hecs which is why i was hesitant of ticking this box. turns out, if u earn more then $729 a week, u start paying back hecs ...good news however, is that when u get to end of financial year and u havent earned that much...they refund it all back..so bring on the massive tax payout

so thats all fine and dandy..till u get to Clinton Hicks...my new boss and licencee of irish murphys. i first noticed sumthing wasn't rite wen he started throwing in comments like "you and your boyfriend would enjoy this"...hinting for me to tell him whether i was spoken for or not. it threw me off completely...he is the big pub boss thing, and its completely unprofessional for him to be hitting on me!!! he then proceeded to send me text messages saying we should "catch up" before i start on tuesday, and when i replied "catch up?" he said "regarding work...or maybe we could get a coffee?" wat the! let me just say..this guy is around his late 20's early 30's..and its so wrong!!! i started feeling really uncomfortable..i mean, i havent even started there yet and i will be working with him everyday! i said "it isnt a good idea to get involved with ppl u work with.. he said..my thoughts exactly (?)...and i thort it was the end of it..till this morning when he calls me babe in a message and asks me if i like to see live music. hmmm- there must be sum sexual harrassment laws against this...its actually very wrong. i dont no what to do. so if i go in on tues and he does this...im gonna have to talk to him gay...

im sorta stil exicted about the job tho...lets me save about 2 grand a month, and i can travel now.

but im keeping the text messages as evidence....

xox

i realised i was stuck in a rut recently, one where i didn't have an unsatisfactory life, but it wasn't being completely fullfilled. i couldn't figure out what it was i was missing; the one thing i needed to complete the puzzle. here are some of the things i've realised about happiness...

i analyzed the actions of those people close to me, and came to the conclusion that i am not the only one thats looking for that extra lift. we are most certainly a pleasure seeking society, as most of us hope that if we spend our energy on seeking pleasure and avoiding pain, it will inevitably make us feel happy. for this reason, i am suprised that that feeling of deep, abiding happiness and joy eludes so many people. i have realised i am just like this, as i am always searching for something more than what i have; never satisfied with my life.

not feeling whole can make me a different person sometimes, can make me harbour feelings of bitterness, or in some cases, feelings towards certain individulas i just can't seem to let go of. it doesn't make me a happier person, but it fakes me into thinking im better off this way. Can you remember a time when you became a little irritated with someone and made a sharp comment that may have hurt, one which you later regretted? Have you ever writhed in the pain of emotional agony over some loss or missed opportunity? Do you recall a time when you felt so overwhelmed by emotion that you withdrew from everything and everyone? covering ourselves with these feelings and emotions simply aids us in falling deeper into the ever elsuive search for happiness. when do we know that it's time to just let it all go, not being afraid to drop all our gaurds and security and vunerably throw ourselves into the world?

we sometimes like to devulge in numerous activities. if the activity is pleasing, there might be a feeling of happiness, and we tend to seek this actvity again in order to repeat such a pleasant feeling.i fell victim to this, wanting to always keep myself busy, never stopping or slowing down, thinking it would eventually lead to happiness. i've grown, however, to realise that happiness is always there, but it hides behind our thoughts, desires and most of all, our fears.

lately, after just sitting back and taking it all in, forcing myself to see the positives in a negative situation, i have found much more happiness then ever before. i'm slowing down, and learning more about mysef and what and who are truly important to me. in my year off from uni, i want to do the things i always say i will but never get around to, and in doing so, i am hoping that i will find something i am passionate about. i am much more of an individual now, independant on  myself more than others...and it's great!

some may feel happiness slowly growing, but for me..it was just this afternoon when i was driving home. i had some old school music on, my heart felt light and carefree, i had a smile on my face while i sang along and it was one of my favourite times of day; the sun had nearly finished setting and a nice cool breeze was kicking in. it hit me rather suddenly that nothing was playing on my mind, that my body felt light and i was enjoying just being there. now that...that is my happiness. i'm proud of how far i have come, mere months ago, i would have let anything and everything get at me, but now...im different

Happiness is a choice YOU have to make... It is a state of being only you can create.

gl!

xoxo

let me just say..Emporium hotel ROCKS MY SOCKS OFF talk about staff benefits!...rewind...

went to a two hour interview for the emporium hotel in the valley...rite down the road from the fringe bar on ann street..aka the rich and posh side. sat in a hot room (still being built!) and happened to have 5 guys sit in my row, who became my friends in the next two hours. we were all going for different jobs, so there was no competition..just good times!!! these guys come from the Sofitel hotel and the standford (is that what it is?) plaza (which recently held kate hudson so talk about networking. they had a big presentation to tell us their vision and about the company, which was spoken by the massive General manager (Gm)..and get this...i caught a taxi in there..and the driver just happens to be friends with the GM, and gave me all this inside info! score!) . this place is gonna be huge..and the coctail bar i applied for isnt gonna be sum little bar..they are making it a massive feature!

their uniforms are made by designers, and at the end of your shift, you change your clothes and they wash and press it for you for next shift! their pay is 7% above the award rate, its small and non-heirarchical..meaning more recognition, and get this bit...even as a casual staff member (let alone full time) you get your birthday off...and get paid for it! and instead of getting penalty rates on public holidays, you get to have paid days off! fricking awesome. oh...and annual leave after 5 years..not 10!wholy crap! awesome or what?

the interview itself was only 15mins....it was set up like speed dating coz they had to get through 120 people..and i got lucky enough to get the GM. i was really chatty (i dont have experience in cocktail bar and needed to leave a memorable impression) and we got along very well. i reallllly want the job, but i'm worried about my lack of experience everyone cross their fingers for me!!

on the way there, i didnt even have enough money for cab (total rip off in traffic) so the taxi guy gave it to me for a straight 20..even though it was at least 30 so getting home meant busing it...but graham (one of the guys ) gave me a lift home even tho it was opposite direction. fricking awesome! they are now my new buddies and they pretty cool. not idiots or sleazy..really funny and friendly..and were surprised im only 18!

so yer...awesome awesome time..even if i dont get the job, i had a heap of fun...but i really want it so lets not say that! im off to clean the house (home alone for the fourth night in a row and its getting ..messy...lol) and then possibly the guys or amy!

ciao bella!
jessie
xox

Well, talk about jam packed and fun filled weekend! I haven’t had one like it in so damn long. Started on Friday night, where riley had offered to get me some work experience at his work in Sandgate, of all places (45min drive WITHOUT traffic! North side) at the Full Moon Hotel. I got to don a little blue button up shirt and blended into the background just watching, it ended up being pretty busy coz of the live music, and I was really nervous, but after a while I realized everyone there ordered the easiest spirits, and now im a master of pouring beer and wine. Was a little slow on the registers, but can’t help that! only fuckup was pouring a jug of gold instead of bitter, but the guy was gracious enough to accept the mid strength! Cut a long story short, their bar was a little boring, I turned down a job offer, and got hit on and given sleazy looks all night by the drunken older guys who couldn’t hold their piss.

Onto the next morning, after only 2 hours of sleep, I got to benjis tired as all hell, clambered in with yeatsie, kyle, bren, and benji and hit up the coast. It was perfect beach whether, hot life guards everywhere in training, and the water had no rips!! Was excellent! We swam our hearts out and actually caught some decent waves, bought sum munchies at the shops, and headed home. I then ended up at elisse freeman’s house…younger sister to Clinton (we worked together at browns plains) and we ended up at sizzlers at loganholme, where we spent the whole time in fits of giggles, and was evil eyed by this annoying bitch of a waitress called Amy. We went to get our desert, and when we came back, she had seated new ppl in our seat! Fucker! So we have plans to take her out in a quiet, orderly, but maybe somewhat painful way we shopped a little and then headed home to sit in aircon and watch movies. I took her to work, where I ended up staying for a few hours, talking to the old birch crew, and also getting ready to go out and party hardy!

Was on bus to city by 10pm to see all the guys from work…was Ryan from gold class’s 22 nd ...and boy did I network my ass off. We started at union jacks, which wasn’t bad, but more of a Friday night pub scene, taxied it to the valley with this guy that speeds more then I do (yes, its possible), and started at Rg’s.not a bad little place! I made friends with the bartender and had no problems getting drinks all night, infact I hardly paid for any either! Man I love being a girl. I cant even recite my drink count for u, coz I had that many, but with very rough calculations, I may be able to estimate around 20? We all got tipsy and laughed it up before heading to 299..a very emo little club with a fricken cover charge, where the boys wouldn’t let the girls go to the bathroom without following them!and, they are the only place I have ever been that have pool tables that people sit on, but never actually play. It was like blaspheme!we moved on pretty quickly from there, and made it to The Vault, where we partied like we were on sale for $19.95. a lot of sexy dancing, flirting, kisses, drunken pool games, endless supply of drinks, and finally, being asked to leave for falling asleep on the table, well after lock out!

A new york slice pizza, a crowded car trip home and a drunk guy throwing up on my lawn later..i was passed out naked in my bed, completely dead to the world.

I think im still a little drunk writing this to u actually, and I really couldn’t be stuffed to have gone into detail, but it was a fun night…and is followed up today with a lot of sleeping, and then work! ahaha but the shift is with nesh and kyle, so its gonna be kickass despite the hangover, and the fact hat ive hd five hours sleep in 3 days! Well toodles, food awaits me!

Oh,…and ive lost my license for three months, then one year probation. I’m calling in favour to all those I gave lifts to lol. Fucking law.

Jessie

xxx

Our night started off with buying cheap booze at BWS and some hungry jacks. Crystal and i got all dolled up, drunk our 7% drinks as fast as we could (my drink count: 4), and hit the buswasy around 11pm. as public transport is so reliable, our bus was 10 mins late, and we missed the changeover into the valley, so we decided to catch the train instead. in the process of walking to to southbrisbane train, we had two plastered guys ask us to marry them, even giving us frangepennies to seal the deal after arrivng at brunswick, we made a pact not to go to any bar we had been to previously, so our adventure began at the press club..a rather exclusive bar where they hand you your chane back on a little plate! we had vodka cranberries to start the night (5), and then hit the sunbar. this was one of the highlights, as we randomly met a rather cool russian guy and his rather ordinary friend. in a time span of 20 minutes, we learnt thier life stories, how to slasa dance, and the ways of their secret handshake. we all had an opening drink called a "pussy shot"...god knows whats in it,...but YUM (6), this was followed by red bull and vodka (7), to which crystal refused because she was slowing down for work at 7am!

by this point, yeatsie and his drugged up pals had met up with us, and we hit birdies up. crystal attempted to get sum guys in with her boob power, but was unsucessful. yeats bought me a pineapple and vodka (8) and a double scotch for himself (already wasted on a pre bottl eof scotch!) and we bumped into more of his past friends who i was soon acquinted with as if we were back in Nam! a few ass gropings, slutty outfits, slow bartenders, and 30bux later we left birdies and went to the fringebar. here, we danced, drank bitters (9), used yeatsie as a pretend boyfriend to escape awful pick up lines,was lectured about drugs by a stoner and , the highlight of this bar...saw a girl attempting to get naked. she just acted as if there was no one else in the room, and started to rip off clothes at lightning speed! crazy mofos in the valley! Barsoma was next, and last for us, where we got 3 more drinks (11), were drunk as skunks, and accidenlty crashed a privte party! we left yeatsie with the boys and headed back home....where i had an hour sleep befor emy alarm rang me for the coast!

waste of time, as i fell straight back to sleep ahahah. woke up to bren calling and asking where i was, drove quick smart to benjis, only to discover that i was still a lil trashed and speaking jibberish. we attempted waking yeats with no luck, went thru maccas where i heart bren for buying me juice and then to the coast...it was PACKED! and shit waves. mite as well been a lake! and no talent for either side so instead we ended back in benjis pool where he and bren spent most of their time face planting it onto blowup chairs and reciting dodgeball lines. i am now home, ready to go to work hungover, runnning on an hours sleep, but still alive however ...much excitement is planned for the upcoming weeks!!! massive nights out planned, concerts, coast runs, bar jobs and the whole la di da

hopefully i will survive work

ps... i also heart amy for taking me in and picking me up on thursday night when i was incoherently drunk
jessie
xoxo

a quick recap of the nights events, which ended rather earlier than i expected...in a nutshell..

arrived at grandpas, met this lovely grandson who goes by the name of sam,,,and let me just say, WHOA. the sexiest thing on legs to ever walk in my line of vision. upcoming graduate for biomedical science, wants to go to medical school and be a surgeon of some kind. he's funny, witty, outgoing, smart as a button, trustworthy..and one hell of a catch. a quick hi-5 for the grandparents for befriending the relatives of this one he was a little touchy feeely under the dinner table, but a perfect gentlemen none-the-less. im sure there has to be a flaw in this guy sumwhere! so,, . he asked for my number, but, and god knows why, i didn't give it to him, knowing very well he would take it from my grandparents anyway. not sure why i didn't..something just told me i wasnt feeling 100% ready. oh well, ive got nothing to lose and everything to gain, so why not just see where it gets me?

so that the night in a very brief nutshell....oh and to top it off, i took the man pants to my nanna to see if she could convert them to a female form...and ive just returned home to discover i left them on her bench. fucking aye scotty:!:S

jessie
xox

just thought i'd quickly tell you of my anguish before i rush off...

good old birch issued us with new uniforms tonite. of course the guys look rather ravishing in them, as they are black pants, black belt with gold front and nice fitting black tshirts...but typically to counteract that, the girls look like men dressed up on their semi-formal night...and thats right, it includes the 'man crotch'. us ladies look as if we are the new homies on the block, and attempting movement in them throws us off our sense of direction completely, as i discovered when adele ran straight into me, claiming the pants were outta control. so now instead of looking sexy and sleek, we look rather like lesbian body guards

i rushed home to discard the unifrom, and was in a hurry because we are all going out to a fancy place for my grandpas 70th birthday shindig..only to discover we are now eating in at his place instead...but thats not the catch....turns out, my grandparents are friends with a couple who have a lovely daughter, who has a gorgeous son (or so they say), and nanna invited him to meet me!!! a blind date, arranged by my grandparents!! are they that desperate to see me with some one? shit aye. well the horn is honking, im off to battle out the night.....wish me luck!!! all i can say is, he better be bloody good looking!

kisses
xxx

I am…
Sorry
Lonely
Searching
Wounded
Resentful
Craving
…Lost

I have been…
Manipulated
Deceived
Discredited
Betrayed
Misunderstood
…Replaced

They have misplaced their…
Loyalty
Honesty
Friendship
Empathy
Kindness
…sense

I cannot talk to those who have performed the above or made me feel such emotions. They have made their choices and I will not change them. I will forget their words and actions, but I am not so sure that I can so easily forgive. As many of you have noticed previously, we come from an assembly of people who are unable to confront, but more then able to hide. Mentioning the name or action of any one person will lift a burden from my shoulders and relieve me from the secrets, but ultimately shower me with ridicule and cause an angry tension that I do not feel necessary. When the time and place expose themselves however, I will take this chance, because I do not know how much longer these people can go on not knowing of the unfairness and misguided judgements that have been so carefully swept under the carpet.

I am cautious of these people, wary of their movements, and angry at the past as it was never suitably solved. I feel isolated, but now more then ever I am determined, focused and motivated. I will be me again; I will be independent, take back my individuality, make myself happy, replace my fake smile with a real one, and become the person that has is hidden momentarily behind a shadow. No faking, no hiding….just me.

I will not apologise for who I am, but I will say sorry for what I can’t be for you.

Hey all! it's my first blog, but i wasnt really sure what to write about as nothing exciting has happened of late, so instead i thought i'd write up a piece about love that i was working on a while back. the answers to many of these questions are still ever elusive...

From my experience, and through the stories of others, i have learnt that love can blind people against other's imperfections; imperfections that existed before the love evolved. but firstly, before this thought can be fully processed, what is love anyway? and is there scientific evidence to prove such a phenomenon? is it the simplicity of a text message asking how their day was, telling them they are beautiful are, or offering to pay for dinner?or is more acute, like they way your heart thumps in your chest or your stomach fills with butterflies when you catch a glimpse?it could even be the urge to protect them against that which makes the disheartened, or maybe, it's when your emotions finally intertwine as one, so that when you see their eyes light up and their face break into a smile, you feel europhoric, regarldess to the fact you were despondent only moments before. For the sheer purpose of discernment, lets pigeon hole it down to an intense complexity of emotional attatchment and the combination of feeling cherished, accepted, but most of all - WANTED.

Once you have been completey consumed by love, all negative judgements swiftly decline until you reach a piint where you can no longer recall that the mindset existed. suddenly, it no longer matters that they can't be any where on time or can never return your calls. but if you go deeper, its not just the dimunitive things either. it's overlooking little white lies, comprimising yourself, or even hididng your opinion for the sake of avoiding an arguement. where does being blinded by love begin, and purely being protected by ignorance end? we all start to go to great lengths to tolerate flaws that would once drive the strongest element of attraction to withdraw,..but how far can we go? and if the person in question stops loving you, does your perfect status diminish to be replaced by that of ordinary?

it is hard for an individual to distinguish the discrepencies between love and infatuation, love and friendship, or even love and a prolonged feeling of intamcy. if we cannot tell such a difference, how do we know when it's time to let go and get out? how do we even know for sure that it's the real thing?

everyday a person will experience feelings of disappointment, manipulation, fear, depression, rejection or even heartbreak. how do we protect ourselves against emotions which can be justifiably associated with love?love can be terrifying yet exhilirating; irressistable against consumption yet harsh and unforgiving. love leads us to make thoughtless and irrational decisons, yet it serves us with an unforgettable experience. but how much can we go through and put up with? ** the most pain one can feel from love, is not to have love and lost, it's not even to have never loved at all...its to have loved and never been loved in return** yet despite knowing this information, we still clutch to that europhoric feeling, and we let it not only guard us, but misguide and blind us against any approaching or possibly ongoing pain.

so my final question is, when can we be confident and secure enough in opening up to the possibility that the feeling is genuine and being returned, and not just leading us down a one way street?